Well everyone, I am back from my skiing trip in NY and ready to do a condensed week’s worth of posting.

Firstly, here are my new favorite zombie movies.

• Resident Evil: Extinction- This one may be a surprise because of all of the bad reviews it got (Rotten tomatoes gave it a 23%), but it has the best action sequences and a good feel to it. Most of the movie does not try to be a horror and fail like some others. Note: this is a sequel to two previous movies, although you really don’t need to see them first)
• 28 Weeks Later- Much more gruesome, it really was a horror movie. Some of the plot really did not make sense to me and the whole instant “zombification” upon exposure was a bit odd, but this one is considered a classic.

I will get around to seeing I Am Legend sometime soon.

Some other movies:

• Hot Fuzz- A story of the perfect cop. Starts off as a comedy, blends into action/horror, and back into a hilarious action sequence at the end. The unbelievable factor in the film is what makes it great.
• Balls of Fury- A comedy, though ultimately funny, that is best described by the following sentence. Meh.
• Blade Runner- So boring it does not deserve its own bullet point. This is supposed to be a classic?
• Shoot Em Up- Pure ludicrous action and sarcasm. Five stars.
• Rush Hour 3- Two movies are not enough to use every possible cheesy joke and cliché? I frown on you, Jackie Chan.
• Stargate: The Ark of Truth- I do not even know why I watched it. It is not bad, but there really is not a point. It seems like this movie could have easily been condensed to an hour-long commercial broadcast.

Moving on, wasn’t Christmas great? It is also an excuse for me to review stuff. Yay!

• Samsung Blackjack II- A wonderful Smartphone. This review from Cnet gives it a 7.7 out of 10 (that is good considering that the highest review they have given is an 8.3.) It has Quad-band 3G, 2 Mp camera, GPS (although you have to hack it to enable it fully; it cannot find you, only track you after you enter your address), a huge battery (the original Blackjack had issues, so Samsung wanted to be sure this time), and it runs on Windows Mobile 6. It retails at $250.
  
• Ok, things I don’t like so much: No built in Wi-Fi- For so many features it seems odd but I suppose that you have problems if you really need this feature for a phone this size, Of course there is no flash support for IE; most phones don’t have that either, Proprietary headphone jack, the jog wheel is a bit unresponsive and it takes a couple turns to scroll down a screens worth of text, and finally the included program ActiveSync sucks, but that’s just a fault of Microsoft. I give it an 8.5 out of 10.
  

• Games
• Mass Effect - A bit boring at the start but I haven’t played much into it. I will give a full review later.
• Crysis - Really great so far. Again, I haven’t had a chance to play into it much but it’s incredible so far. Oh, and I’m sorry for already having a computer that can run it well but it just kinda goes with the whole “good with finances” thing.
• COD 4 - Single player is much better than in previous games. I would also like to mention that my car does not have internet. Multiplayer review when I’ve played it. (I’m not actually playing Xbox 360 in my car; my father would not let me hook up a power inverter direct to the battery because the 360 cannot run off cigarette DC power. Something about coming off and causing a spark.)
• Assassin’s Creed - 10 out of 10, by far the best game all year. If only it was as long as Mass Effect.
• Guitar Hero 3 - I don’t own this one at the time of posting, but I was able to play it some up in NY. Full review once I buy it. Good so far though.
• The Orange Box- I’ve yet to break the seal on the box. Full review later.
• I also received a 500 gb hard drive, money for GH3, and an Airsoft Sniper Rifle, which was an early gift- look for an earlier post for the review.

Miscellanea:

• I Am America (And So Can You) by Stephen Colbert is hilarious.
• Firefly is my new favorite Sci-Fi series.
• I recommend rear-projection technology when buying an HDTV. I got a 72 incher for only $3000. Incandescent bulb types will keep you warm in the winter.
• Bhutto was shot and someone got mauled by a tiger. Deal with it.
• Alec, why did you plan a LAN Party on New Year’s? That seems too cliché. Could it not have waited until Thursday when I was back?
• It’s 1:27 in the morning (I’m writing this on my phone) and I have no internet, my fingers are tired and the Full Throttle Energy Drinks and Starbucks are wearing off. If you will excuse me, I have an episode of Diggnation to watch.
• Sorry for all of the bullet points.
  

Use WASD to move your player.
Mouse is used to aim. Left button to shoot.
Mouse wheel or E/Q to switch weapons.
R or NUM 0 to Reload.

Without further ado, I give you the product of several days work.

It all started when our over-heralded star, Bob, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling abundantly pleased, Bob deflowered a potato, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ever so extemporaneously, he realized that his beloved leg was missing! Immediately he called his lover, Womanperson. Bob had known Womanperson for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Womanperson was unique. She was clever though sometimes a little… stupid. Bob called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Womanperson picked up to a very angry Bob. Womanperson calmly assured him that most Indonesian devil cats grimace before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually wildly shudder after mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Bob. Why was Womanperson trying to distract Bob? Because she had snuck out from Bob’s with the leg only seven days prior. It was a sassy little leg… how could she resist?

It did not take long before Bob got back to the subject at hand: his leg. Womanperson yawned. Reluctantly, Womanperson invited him over; assuring him, they would find the leg. Bob grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Womanperson realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the leg and she had to do it thoughtfully. She figured that if Bob took the curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala), she had taken at least six minutes before Bob would get there. However, if he took the car Womanperson would be screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, two stupid lemurs that were lured by the leg interrupted Womanperson. Womanperson belched; “Not again”, she thought. Feeling displeased, she thoughtfully reached for her ninja star and deftly killed every one of them. Apparently, this was an adequate deterrent–the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginary desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That is when she heard the car rolling up. It was Bob.

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of gerbils, so he knew he was running late. With an apt leap, Bob was out of the car and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Womanperson’s front door. Meanwhile inside, Womanperson was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the leg into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind her rhinoceros. Womanperson was concerned but at least the leg was concealed. The doorbell rang.

“Come in,” Womanperson scandalously purred. With a quick push, Bob opened the door. “Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish spite-toting jerk in a tricycle,” he lied. “Its fine,” Womanperson assured him. Bob took a seat right next to where Womanperson had hidden the leg. Womanperson sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. “Uhh, can I get you anything?” she blurted. However, Bob was distracted. With fist clenched and teeth gnashed, Womanperson noticed an annoying look on Bob’s face. Bob slowly opened his mouth to speak.

“…What’s that smell?”

Womanperson felt a stabbing pain in her taint when Bob asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the leg right by her oscillating fan. “Wh-what? I don’t smell anything.” A lie. An insensitive look started to form on Bob’s face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. “Th-th-those are just my grandma’s dull pencils from when she used to have pet spotted wolf hamsters. She, uh…dropped “em by here earlier.” Bob nodded with fake acknowledgement…then, before Womanperson could react, Bob skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The leg was plainly in view.

Bob stared at Womanperson for what what must have been eleven milliseconds. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased deity, Womanperson groped explosively in Bob’s direction, clearly desperate. Bob grabbed the leg and bolted for the door. It was locked. Womanperson let out a saucy chuckle. “If only you hadn’t been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Bob,” she rebuked. Womanperson always had been a little pestering, so Bob knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Womanperson did something crazy, like… start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Before anyone could take off their pants, he gripped his leg tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Womanperson looked on, blankly. “What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.” Silence from Bob. “And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago…it never ends!” Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Bob. “Oh, are you okay?” Still silence. Womanperson walked over to the window and looked down. Bob was gone.

Just yonder, Bob was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Womanperson’s place. Bob had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral lemurs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the leg. One by one, they latched on to Bob. Already weakened from his injury, Bob yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of lemurs running off with his leg.

About eleven hours later, Bob awoke, his shin throbbing. It was dark and Bob did not know where he was. Deep in the muddy disease-infested jungle, Bob was very lost. As if it really mattered, he remembered that the lemurs took his leg. At that point, he was just thankful for his life. That is when, to his horror, a bloated lemur emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha lemur. Bob opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the lemur sunk its teeth into Bob’s face. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Bob’s lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than six miles away, Womanperson was entombed by anguish over the loss of the leg. “MY PRECIOUS!” she cried, as she reached for a sharpened gerbil. With a mighty thrust, she buried it deeply into her kidney. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Bob… wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But, she would die alone that day. All that remained was the leg that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. In addition, as the dew on melancholy sapling branches began to reflect the dawn’s reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant lemurs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would have lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. Therefore, no one lived forever after, the end.

Hey guys,

I just wanted to let you know that I wont be posting very much, as I am meticulously overclocking my primary computer for the holiday gaming season.

I’ve managed to bring my water-cooled 2.4 GHz stock q6600 to 3 GHz but I am going to try for 3.2 GHz. Then I am going to be overclocking my 8800 GTS.

CYA!

Hi all,
I thought I would share a little Photoshop magic with you today. Here is a tutorial on how to make realistic water from scratch.

The photo above is the permutation that
fits across two pages that will be put in the yearbook I am editing.

	Let’s start with a new document 500×500 pixels Press “D” to reset your color palletes to black and white. Create a new layer, then apply the following filter: Filter->Render->Clouds
	Apply: Filter->Blur->Gaussian Blur Set: 6 Apply: Filter->Blur->Motion Blur Set: Angle: 90, Distance: 80
	Now go to Image->Image Size Set: width: 300pixels (UNTICK the “Constrain Proportions” option ) then click ok. So now your document should be 300 width and 500 high.
	Next, go to Filter->Artistic->Plastic Wrap Set: Highlight Strength: 15, Detail:10, Smoothness:10 Apply Filter->Sketch->Chrome Set: Detail:0, Smoothness: 8
	Go to Edit->Fade Chrome Set: Opacity:100%, Mode: Hard Light
	Now go to Image->Image Size Set: height:800 pixels, leave all other settings, and make sure the “Constrain Proportions” is NOT checked.
	Now go to Edit->Transform->Warp Move the anchors around, inward, up and down, just play with it to shape it like running water. Now, just add some gradient color to the background layer, and change it’s water layer’s blending mode to “Hard Light.”

This is The Cipher
Its purpose is to inform readers of technology or science related (with the occasional odd topic) content and interesting developments in the world. We hope to be interesting and informative while being highly entertaining and thought-provocative.

Griffin